Chapter Theme:
I like the salt water sting
It feels so good just to feel something
In the sea in the sea in the sea in the sea
Medea didn’t know where she was.
She was still in her pajamas standing in the middle of a forest at night. Her heartbeat quickened and her breath was white mist around her face, the scent of pine and cold air filled her lungs, chilled her bones. The ground was wet, mud and rocks pressed against her bare feet and she had a sense that something was slithering between her toes.
Darkness surrounded her, coiling around her limbs until she could barely see her own hands.
There wasn’t even a hint of light from where she was standing, fear rose in jerks and twists as the daze of sleep left her brain. For a moment she thought she was still dreaming.
She could hear nothing but the sound of animals: an owl nearby the rhythmical chirp of crickets and the howling wind. She was trapped and helpless. That was a familiar feeling that she would never welcome or be content with. Bitterness coated her tongue, she wanted to scream and yell and hit and break things, but through experience, she knew that would help with nothing. It would only make things worse.
Gritting her teeth, she gripped her left wrist and touched the thin metal bracelet that wrapped around it, a vivid reminder of her weakness and pressed the small, unobtrusive button built into it.
It made no sound, it gave no indication that the button did anything, but she knew that it had done its job. She had used it before. So many times that she didn’t dare count.
She tried to figure out her surroundings with her hands and found a fallen log on her right by way of tripping over it and falling down on her face, her feet in the air. She gave her irritation full rein because then she wouldn’t feel so scared.
“Great.” She wiped mud off her face and yelped when she tried to stand up, a sharp pain on her right ankle. “That’s just perfect.” She dropped down on the log, hugged her arms around herself, and waited.
Medea lifted her head when she heard the wet sound of a snort and a bark. Well, that didn’t take them long, she thought, I probably didn't walk too far from home. Not that she could tell by the way the sole of her feet were aching, she wiggled her toes and tried not to think of the many things that were crawling against her skin.
Flashes of light danced in the air and voices called out her name both for her benefit and scaring the local wildlife. Lee Loo was more than enough to track her down and sure enough, a streak of white appeared in the darkness to lunge at her.
She gripped the dog who greeted her enthusiastically, relishing in the heat of her fur. “Hey, girl. Hey, Lee Loo. Good job finding me, girl.” She quickly clamped her mouth shut when she heard her voice break. She was humiliated enough, thank you very much.
“There you are.” A gruff voice came from her right and in the circle of light from the flashlight on her hand, she saw Yukiko, a petite Japanese-American woman. She jumped off a low ledge and landed with the grace and balance of a woman half her age. Her sharp eyes quickly access the situation, flicking from her thin pajamas to Medea’s bare feet, to the mud on her face. “You okay?”
She squinted against the flashlight aimed at her vicinity. “Ankle’s busted.”
Yukiko snorted, the unlit cigarette hanging from her lips nearly fell to the ground but it managed to hang there either by magic or sheer force of will. “Of course it is. Let’s take a look at it.” She looked over her shoulder and Medea jerked when a boy melted out of the darkness and stood a couple of steps behind Yukiko. She cackled at the look on her face. “You startled her, gaki. Introduce yourself.”
The boy was tall, really tall, Medea amended when he took a step closer to them, he turned on a battery-operated lantern and set it down. A circle of light touched all three of them and it annoyed her how much that little light made her feel a little bit better. He knelt beside Yukiko and she could see his features more clearly. His hair was thick and dark but cut really short, almost military shot. His skin was pale as Yukiko’s and his eyes were the same shape as hers but while Yukiko’s were brown, his was black, almond-shaped and slanted slightly at the end. His nose was straight and his mouth curled softly.
Pretty, she thought. And obviously related to Yukiko.
Yukiko gently took her ankle and prodded it with her fingers. Her eyes were intent on her face as if she expected Medea to run.
The boy took off his jacket and passed it to her.
“Thanks.” She mumbled as she put it on, it was still warm from his body and she burrowed into it gratefully, it smelled of green things and smoke. Without it, he looked slender, almost thin. It’s as if he grew tall so quickly his body didn’t have time to catch up. It was then that she realized what was bothering her about the boy, he looked too neat and too tidy. Sen wore scarred boots and layers of old clothes like he was wearing a tuxedo. It was in the way he stood, his shoulders back, his back straight, his chin up. That more than anything, assured her of his relation to Yukiko, Yukiko also had that perfect posture thing down to a science. She wondered whether he got it through genes or had learned it like Medea by way of Yukiko repeatedly smacking her on the back everytime she slouched.
“You’re welcome. I’m Sen, her grandson.” His voice was smooth and cool, the type of voice that didn’t need to be loud in order to be heard. It simply cut through other voices like an expertly wielded knife.
Medea winced as Yukiko rotated her ankle. “Medea. Her...client.”
His left brow ticked up. “Client?”
“More like my habitual damsel in distress,” Yukiko muttered.
Medea curled her lip at her. “Didn’t you quit smoking?”
“Why do you think it’s not lit?”
“Probably because we’re in a forest and you’re a ranger.”
The older woman ignored her and stood. “You’re right, your ankle’s busted. Better not put any weight on it.”
“Then I should what? Crawl?” She knew there was a disrespectful edge to her voice, but she was edgy, tired and scared. Not that that was a good enough excuse to be rude. She just hoped Yukiko would understand.
She did because rather than chastise her like she would ordinarily do, Yukiko turned to her grandson. “You’re designated pack mule.”
“Of course I am.” Sen turned and presented his back to Medea. “Climb on.”
Medea gave him an incredulous look, he didn’t look like he could carry half her weight.
He grinned. “I’m stronger than I look. Come on, we should get you out of the cold.”
Well, since he put it that way. Medea curled her body against his back and was suitably impressed when he stood up in one smooth motion. He was stronger than he looked, she could feel his shoulder muscles tight and firm underneath her hands. His hands were large and warm on her thighs as he hitched her higher on his back, her hands circling his neck as she gasped in surprise. “Hold on tight.”
Medea pressed her legs tighter against his torso when he bent over, one of his hand gripping Yukiko’s bag and carrying it on his front. She spied Yukiko putting on a much bigger camping bag, Lee Loo sitting calmly beside her legs, peering into the dark with curiosity, his ears swiveling from side to side.
“You okay, oba-san?” With a teasing and almost mocking politeness to his words. Yukiko adjusted the straps on the bag and gave him a glare that he met with a grin. Yukiko turned off the lamp and switched on her flashlight.
Feeling extremely awkward, Medea sought conversation. “You guys were camping around here?” She was wondering why Yukiko found her so fast, the GPS tracker bracelet helped but still.
“Yeah.” Yukiko led the way for them, pushing away bushes and branches. “Thought I’d take my boy out here for some bonding time.”
Medea was surprised by the thickness of the woods around them, how muted the quality of light and sounds; she could hardly see the sky between the thick branches that jabbed at the sky like accusing fingers. Their town was surrounded by trees but only one section of the forest had trees this size and height.
“Are we in the Lihara Woods?” The forest park was almost an hour and a half from her house and was dense and confusing to even the locals, only the experienced went camping or hiking there. Yukiko was as experience as it went, she was one of the wildlife rangers for the town, her range of authority included most of the wild lands in the mountain where they lived. Yukiko knew this land like it was the palm of her hand, blindfolded. It was why Medea’s parents made Yukiko her emergency contact. If she was lost, Yukiko and Lee Loo would find her no problem. She had been doing that since she was lost the first time, she was 8 at the time and Yukiko was the first to find her then too, without the tracker, without Lee Loo. Yukiko had sharp instincts like the kitsune she often talked about. Medea would never forget the bone-melting relief when she saw Yukiko’s face the first time she found her for the rest of her life.
Which was probably why she felt the need to do polite chit-chat with the boy that was carrying her. It wouldn’t do to be rude to the relative of a person who occasionally saves your life. Besides, she was feeling awkward, like she was just another pack that he had to carry. “So, you’re visiting?”
He kept his eyes straight. “No, I’m moving in.”
Yukiko pushed back a bush, “You’re the same age and he’ll be going to the same school as you, probably will end up in some of your classes.” There was a smile in her voice when she said, “Be nice to him, Medea, he’s sensitive.”
Sen scoffed and Medea could smell the chocolate in his breath, and the soap and fire on his skin. She leaned back a little, uncomfortable with the intimacy. She also noticed that although he was carrying her and his grandmother’s bag, he wasn’t even breathing fast or slowing down his steady pace. Come to think of it, Yukiko wasn’t slowing down either. Medea knew from trips with Yukiko that a five-minute walk on concrete wasn’t the same as a five-minute walk in the woods, especially one as thick and wild as this place. Evidently, from the way Sen ducked and stepped over and avoided stone and wood and branches like he had bat sonar, he was at home in the woods as his grandmother.
Yukiko tried to make Medea as natural in the wild as she was but she could only manage decent. At the very least, if Yukiko hadn’t found her so fast, she could make a fire and knew which plant she could eat and which to avoid. She could know which way to go to find water or to orient herself by the stars or what to do when a wild animal approach her. The knowledge had helped her on more than one occasion.
Medea was surprised that she had walked so deep into the forest but didn’t question it. She had stopped asking questions about why or how she did the things she did when she was sleepwalking. Or why she had nights where she woke herself up screaming. Or why she always felt that something bad was going to happen to her.
“I can do that.” Medea took the wet wipes from Sen’s hand and cleaned her feet. She saw the little smile on his lips as he moved away and tried not to wonder about it. She was sitting in the backseat of Yukiko’s all-terrain jeep with her feet hanging out on the side. Wiping her feet as best as she could she winced when she scrubbed against a scrape or a puncture. In the warm overhead light, she could see cuts and nicks all along her hands, under her nails were black with dirt. She saw Sen eyeing her from where he was putting away their camping gear, saw where he was looking; the long ugly scars on both her wrists. They were old scars, nearly faded but they still looked obvious in a certain light, she smoothed the sleeves of the borrowed jacket over her arms. She didn’t mean to look at him but when their eyes met, she didn’t look away. She could see him clearer now, his face was as pretty as she thought but she could see the strong line of his jaw, and the brooding depth of his eyes. The eyes that were looking at her matter-of-factly without any surprise, pity, awkwardness or judgment. She dragged her eyes away, pulled her feet into the car and settled herself deeply into the backseat. Lee Loo jumped inside and settled beside her, its head on her lap.
Yukiko passed the keys to Sen who looked surprised but didn’t question her decision. Like her grandmother, he had a careless grace that people would have mistakenly recognized as indolence but wasn’t. It was pure confidence, an ease that came from the complete knowledge of oneself and what you are capable of.
When you constantly doubt yourself, you quickly notice that in others.
“How are you, Medea. Still good?” Yukiko passed her a warm cup of chocolate from a thermos, the heat felt wonderful between her chilled hands.
“I’m fine.” She could feel Sen’s eyes on her, a prickle on the back of her neck. She sipped her chocolate and petted Lee Loo's fur. “What time is it?”
“Almost 3 in the morning.” Yukiko answered before in a deceptively casual voice asked, “How long did it take for you to press the button?”
“It didn’t take long at all.” She curled her toes into the thick socks Yukiko had put on her feet. It was her own socks, Yukiko had taken to have a bag full of Medea’s things in her car for occasions just like this.
“And by that, you mean when you couldn’t figure out where you were.”
Medea merely slurped her drink. Hm, chocolate. Good. She hoped that it would take the bitter taste of defeat and weariness and anger out of her mouth. “Do my parents know?”
“If they did, do you think I would be the only one out here to get you?”
“Well, you were already here, so...”
“No, they don’t.” Yukiko twisted in her seat and sent me a look. “And no, I am not going to keep this a secret from your parents.”
“They don’t need to know—“
“That their 16-year-old girl was sleepwalking in the middle of the night to God knows where? Medea, if I had these GPS tracker bracelets when I had my girls believe me, they’d all be using them.”
“I would like to see you try putting that on mom...” Sen muttered from his seat.
“It’ll just make them worry—“
“Of course they would worry, they’re your parents, that’s what they do.“
“It’s not like they can do anything about it.” She was yelling. She didn’t need to do that. There was no use doing that, no use in getting angry or scared. There was no use in fighting anymore. It took a while for Medea to surface from her pity party to notice the awkwardness in the car. She thought she was used to people feeling discomfort around her. Apparently not.
She met Sen’s dark eyes in the rear view mirror. “What?”
She didn’t mean to snap at him but decided to end all ties with him here. Once they were in school...well, they weren’t going to be friends anyway.
His eyes flicked to the road before returning back to meet hers. “Does your foot hurt?”
“No. Why?” She pressed her hand against Lee Loo's body when the dog snuggled closer.
Something flickered in his eyes but she couldn’t tell what it was, they hadn’t known each other for that long. He took something from his pocket and handed it to her. It was a white handkerchief, it gleamed brightly in the dark and folded into a sharp square. What kind of 16-year-old boy carried a handkerchief nowadays?
“Why are you giving me that?”
She took the handkerchief because he kept holding it out to her and she wanted him to use both hands on the steering wheel. He kept his eyes on the road and it was only when Medea gave up on getting an answer from him that he did.
“You’re crying.”
Immediately she felt the hot wetness of tears on her cheeks. She didn’t fight it, she was so tired of fighting for every scrap of strength, for sanity. Her face crumpled, her hard-earned perfect posture curled forward as she pressed her face to the tidy square of his handkerchief, soaking it through with her tears of fear and bitterness, the salt in her tears stinging the cuts and open wounds on her hands.
Copyright © 2014 by D.F. Jules
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